You & Grammar

Psychologically, grammar has always been a thorn in the side. There were days, starting in grade school, where I absolutely hated some of the rote memory tools employed along with primary diagnostic aids to gage your abilities. At that age I didn’t know about the thought processes of man, or how people think to arrive at their answers. I didn’t know that multiple choice/true-false/ and fill-in-the-blank were basic aids to helps students memorize the material. Most of the tools that my primary teachers employed were “canned” tests. You could even see where the material came from. Looking back I reckon I could have done the same thing as them. I’ve always been inquisitive by nature and that will never change, so knowing this positive trait in me I’m starting to know why I did so poorly in my younger years in grammar: know one dissected the “Grammar Gorilla!” In science, I learned how the planets were formed, how gravity affects nature and how the body works, but in grammar you learn that the “rules” change, grammar is ambiguous and, God for heaven’s sake, DON’T ASK QUESTIONS!!!!!!! “It just is Tommy,” the annoyed teacher would answer back. Sometimes I would get an “I don’t know Tommy,” which sounded better than “It just is.” It (grammar) is just a bunch of capricious nonsense became my motto. Some teachers would ignore my comma splice, some would not. Some teachers were more better at ignoring my double-negatives, some were not. Some teachers would ignore my improper placement of I, some would not. And, so, this cat and mouse game continued until I arrived at college. I guess, to a large degree, college for me always welcomed the why’s of man. Most of the professors knew the why’s and were glad you wanted to know them to<(don’t even know how to use the to/too). All in all, I am excited to learn grammar, because I really, really, really-really want to know how to write professionally. Having my prose look like James Bond in a tux, while skirting the Audubon shooting villains, excites me to break the grammar rules, look cool while doing it, and have the ladies melt as I dangle my “modifier.”


P.S. I also want to break the crutch of “spell-check” into a thousand pieces and use them for customized tooth-picks.